Painting and hope

Have you ever had an experience where you've laid something aside for a season and then your heart says, "its time" to pick it up again? Ideas that have been in your heart but have not been ready to come to fruition yet?

Over the past few years I've painted a couple of pieces, but its been years since I've felt the compulsion to pick up brush & paint and put thoughts, hopes and dreams on canvas. Its been time for me to paint again, and even though it feels good to know its "time" again, it hasn't made the actual process easier.

It's amazing to me how hard it can be to find your stride, even when those gifts lie within you eager and willing. I have thrown away every piece I've made an attempt to create so far... and have been fighting the urge to feel defeated. When creating in general, I seem to struggle landing somewhere in between simplicity and complexity. If its too simple, its boring. If its too complicated, your eye can't land on anything. Either extreme leaves you feeling like something is missing.

At this point in the game is where I'm reminded that I need my Savior to walk beside me and fill in all the gaps and crevices that I can never fill on my own. It's also here I realize that the goal is not the final product- which is what we typically strive for when we think of success. (i.e. an amazing painting) The goal is the sharpening of character we experience through finding our stride. (walking with long, decisive steps in a specified direction) One of Nyah's memory verses is Romans 5: 3-4, which says that we can "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character, hope." 

I love this verse, because it reminds me that my goal is not a product or a thing. It's character, perseverance and ultimately hope. Hope not in myself but in my Savior.

So when I find myself wanting to throw in the towel out of frustration, discouragement or even despair (will things *ever* change?) I'm reminded that if I make my goal to be walking with Jesus I will find my way. I will find my stride... because I'll be walking in step with Him. My eyes will be pointed towards everything that is worth looking at. Who cares how many paintings I have to throw away to get to some that are worth keeping? I can embrace my failures knowing that God is faithful to take them and turn them into something beautiful.

Here's my hope as I continue to create:  that God will turn my mess into something worth looking at. And you know what? I believe He will.